music really does make the world go round. Listening to my housemates playing the guitar and singing really makes me realise, that happiness comes through little things. True friendship, and sharing time with these friends really does make me happy, as well as seeing my mum laughing with them. I have forgotten so much how it is like to feel okay. And now that I am starting to feel okay again, I find myself not scared of what will happen next.. when i will feel sick again, but looking forward to each day as it comes. Tomorrow Is a new day with new opportunity to be happy.  

Sometimes it is very difficult to feel okay, when within yourself you feel so bad. You can go two weeks, three weeks, at best four weeks, being good, feeling good, getting into a routine. And then one day you screw up and then the next, and the following few days just go down hill. And during those days, you feel like a failure. Like life is too hard, too tiring. Tiring, because you face the same battles. Or the one battle, that you just can’t overcome. The thing that haunts you, that stays in the back of your mind, always waiting for you to slip up. I just am tired of the condition i have, it controls me and makes me feel like a weak person. I doubt myself and hate myself. I feel like i could die. How does so much pain come from such a little thing. From such a little, and ordinary thing. How is it that i have come to fear eating. Eating too much, eating too little. How is it that a person’s mind can be enslaved, controlled and overwhelmed by the thought of food. It is a scary thing, when life becomes lifeless… when the mind becomes mindless. and it cannot think for itself any longer. I hope and look for the day that i get better. When I no longer have to feel sick going to bed and fear the moment that i wake up, scared that it will be another similar day in hell. The people who go through the same thing as me, my friend who experiences the same sort of pain. I pray for all of us. that we get better. and look to days where we can be happy with ourselves and more importantly within ourselves. Because how important is it to find peace within ourselves… otherwise we can not live our lives but waste away in thoughts that are all consuming. We make choices everyday. and instead of being frightened i want simply, to be happy to be healthy to be myself again.